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"It’s never late to become a better Muslimah": Quran gives a man complete authority in marriage ~ Men stand superior to women, and in Islam, the wife is a slave to her husband, Islamic traditions stress that a woman should obey her husband's commands

'If a man calls his woman to his bed, and she does not come, and then he goes to bed angry at her, the angels will curse her until the morning.' Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3366
 |  Satyaagrah  |  Islam
Wife Obedience to Husband in Islam - Imam Hasan Khalil
Wife Obedience to Husband in Islam - Imam Hasan Khalil

Quran: [17:36] "You shall not accept any information unless you verify it for yourself. I have given you the hearing, the eyesight, and the brain, and you are responsible for using them."

Quran:[49:12] "O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion as much (as possible): for suspicion in some cases is a sin: And spy not on each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay, ye would abhor it...But fear Allah. For Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful."

The Quran is the source of all personal status laws in Islamic countries. Therefore, the rules of religious jurisprudence concerning the position and treatment of women are also based on the Quran. In order to fully understand the position of women in Islam, one must first examine the Quranic rules concerning them. Our dilemma in today's article has to do with the Quranic command for husbands to beat their wives.

Man's Supreme Authority

The Quran gives a man complete authority in marriage: "Men stand superior to women" (Q 4.34). The Quran justifies giving this authority to the man for the following reasons:

First, preference is given to him by the nature of his physical ability: "God hath preferred some of them over others" (Q 4.34)

Second, preference is given to him by reason of his financial ability: "and in that, they expend of their wealth" (Q 4.34)

Apparently, this higher position of man does not change even if 'a woman has enough money to support herself without needing him to spend money on her, or even if she has so much money that she can spend it on him.' This preference is because a man has authority over a woman according to the Quran, the ultimate source of Sharia Law, regardless of his or her economic situation.

The leading authorities of Islam state that this ruling of the Quran is an everlasting one as reported by al-Aqqad:

"It precedes the development of civilizations and general legislations and remains past them."

The above Video is a very true and beautiful speech regarding a Wife's Obedience to her Husband in Islam made by Imam Hasan Khalil (Share it please, especially to some wives and some future getting married girls who are addicted to Facebook and Internet).

Wife's Relationship to Husband

In Islam, the wife is a slave to her husband. The Islamic traditions stress that a woman should obey her husband's commands.

The story is told of a man who ordered his wife not to leave the house while he was traveling. During his absence, her father became ill, so she sent to the prophet of Islam asking for permission to go to her father. The response she received was: 'Obey your husband.' Her father died, so she then requested permission to go see her father's body before burial. Again the response was: 'Obey your husband.' When her father was buried, the prophet sent her a message saying, 'Allah [god] has forgiven her father because of her obedience to her husband.'

In other words, once married, the woman's completely emotional and intellectual abilities belong to her husband.

In addition to absolute obedience, a woman should revere her husband because Islam teaches that, "If a woman knew the right of a husband, she would not sit at his lunch and supper time until he finishes." One time, a woman came to the prophet of Islam to ask about her obligations to her husband. He said, "If he had pus from his hair part to his foot [from head to toe] and you licked him, you would not have shown him enough gratitude."

Obedience and reverence towards her husband are two of the wife's duties. These duties form an element of worship for her. As the prophet of Islam once said, "If a woman prays her five prayers, fasts the month of fasting, keeps her chastity, and obeys her husband, she will enter the paradise of her Lord." In addition, Allah will not accept the prayer of a woman if her husband is angry with her.

It is not permissible for a woman to seek a porce (khula) except for a legitimate reason. As it comes on the authority of the Messenger (صلى الله عليه وسلم) that he said:

"Any woman who seeks a divorce (khula) without a legitimate reason, she will not smell the fragrance of Paradise." Sunan Abu Dawud Book 12, Number 2218.

And that is a very severe threat. So, it is incumbent upon the woman that she lives with her husband in kindness and that she listens and obeys him in that which coincides with the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger and not to seek a porce from her husband except with a valid excuse.

Obeying the Husband is the Key to Paradise

The Islamic Shari'ah stresses that the wife is under the obligation of obeying her husband. This remains unless he commands her to disobey Allah The Exalted. She is required to obey him and exert her utmost effort to fulfill his needs in a way that makes him satisfied and thankful. This is supported by the Hadeeth where the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), said: “If the woman performs the five daily prayers, fasts the month of Ramadan, maintains her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter the Paradise of her Lord.” Likewise, Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {But if they obey you [once more], seek no means against them.} [Quran 4:34] Moreover, the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), said: “Were I to order anyone to prostrate himself before anyone else, I would have ordered the woman to prostrate herself before her husband.

Obedience is the first right that Islam acknowledges for the husband over his wife. She is required to obey him in everything unless he commands her to do an act of disobedience. The Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), said: “No creature should be obeyed when it comes to disobeying the Creator.”

Consequently, she is required to obey him when he commands, fulfill his request when he orders, abstain when he forbids and respond when he advises. If he commands her not to allow a certain person, whether he is a relative or not, a Mahram or non-Mahram, to enter his home when he is absent, she is required to obey him. The Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), said: “Indeed, you have a right over your wives, and your wives have a right over you. As for the right that you have over them, it is to disallow anyone whom you dislike to enter your houses.”

Obeying the Husband is Equal to Jihaad

There are many Sharee'ah texts indicating the greatness of the husband's right over his wife. In a Hadeeth on the authority of Ibn ‘Abbaas, may Allah be pleased with him, it was mentioned that a woman came to the Prophet,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), and said, “O Messenger of Allah, I am a delegate [from a group of] women and there are none of them, whether she knows or does not know that I would come to you, except she would want me to come to you. Allah The Almighty is the Lord of both men and women and their God, and you are the Messenger of Allah, for both men and women. Allah has prescribed Jihaad for men only; if they are victorious, their reward is great, and if they die as martyrs, they are alive with their Lord, receiving sustenance. [For women], which act of obedience is equal in reward to this?”  The Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), replied: “Obeying their husbands and (being aware of and) fulfilling their rights; and few of you do that.”[At-Tabaraani and ‘Abdul-Raaziq] Here, the Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), equated the reward of making Jihaad to that of the wife obeying her husband.

Mrs. Muna Al-Mu’aththin says:

If it is obligatory for the wife to obey her husband, this is only because he bears the responsibility and she is subordinate to him. He is a caretaker of his home and responsible for those who are under his charge. Moreover, he is supposed to be more insightful and more open-minded and to know things that the wife does not know because of his wide circle of acquaintances and his wide experience that enables him to see what his wife does not. The wise wife is the one who obeys her husband, fulfills his commands, and responds to his opinions and advice willingly and sincerely. If she finds something wrong in him, from her point of view, she exchanges views with him and guides him to his mistake with leniency, kindness, and conviction. Calmness and soft words work like magic.

The disease of conceit and arrogance may cripple a woman's heart. In this respect, Mrs. Abeer Murshid says, "If such a disease reaches the heart of the woman, it would be a great disaster. The marital relationship would be threatened with the most dangerous type of disputes and quarrels. The man is in charge of the family by virtue of the role that Allah The Almighty has granted him. If the wife tries to change the Creation of Allah and His norms, this would afflict her with the most harmful consequences.”

Describing the way that she treats her husband, Mrs. Leena Al-Ghadhbaan says:

If my husband calls me to obey Allah The Exalted and the Messenger of Allah,  sallallaahu  `alayhi  wa  sallam ( may  Allah exalt his mention ), I respond to his call without annoyance because this is the way to salvation and forgiveness. If he asks me to wear decent clothes and adhere to Hijab, I obey his command because this is the way to attain success and the satisfaction of Allah The Almighty. I do not care about the customs of the community as Allah The Exalted Says (what means): {And if you obey most of those upon the earth, they will mislead you from the Way of Allah.} [Quran 6:116] If he asks me to be moderate regarding home expenses, I respond with my heart and with love and faithfulness. These are the foundations of marital life that Allah The Exalted Has established on affection and mercy. I know that when my husband gets angry at anything I might have done after advising and directing me, this may entail the Anger of Allah The Exalted.

Husband's right to punish his wife

The Quran gives the husband the right to punish his wife if she goes outside the parameters that he draws for her. It provides men with instructions: "But those whose perverseness ye fear, admonish them and remove them into bed-chambers and beat them; but if they submit to you, then do not seek a way against them..." (Q 4.34)

In fact, in reading the verse above one will notice that these instructions were given to the husband concerning a wife whom he ONLY fears disloyalty, not a wife that actually committed a disloyal act. These instructions include the following step-by-step process:

Instructing

At the beginning of marriage, a husband reminds his wife about the rights that are given to him by Sharia Law. He can say to her, "Fear Allah! I have rights due to me from you. Repent from what you are doing. Know that obedience to me is one of your obligations." If the wife refuses to fulfill the sexual desires of her husband, then he should remind her of his rights over her body.

Sexual Abandonment

The Arabic word used in the verse to describe abandonment (hajr) on the part of the husband can carry multiple meanings:

  • " Desertion If a wife remains 'disobedient,' her husband should ignore her. This means he abstains from sexual intercourse with her as part of this phase of punishment.
  • Forced Sexual Intercourse (tightening the bindings) While the word hajr is interpreted to mean 'to refuse to share their beds,' the word hajr has several meanings. One of these meanings indicates the hajr of the camel when the owner binds the animal with a hijar, or rope. This disturbing interpretation means that the term used in Q 4.34 (refuse to share their beds) can actually mean to bind the wife and force her to have sexual intercourse.

This meaning is the adopted view of al-Tabari, a renowned classical Islamic commentator. Other scholars, who also support this interpretation, state 'it means to tie them up and force them to have [sexual] intercourse.'

The Quranic principle of a man's right to a woman's body is not open for discussion. Regardless of her psychological or physical state, she has to obey the man's command to lie in bed and have sexual relations with him. After all, the prophet of Islam repeatedly made statements advocating this view:

'If a man calls his woman to his bed, and she does not come, and then he goes to bed angry at her, the angels will curse her until the morning.' Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3366

Narrated by Abu Hurayrah that the prophet said, "By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, there is no man who calls his wife to his bed, and she refuses him, but the One Who is in heaven will be angry with her until the husband is pleased with her once more" reported by Muslim

The angles' curse will befall every woman who is rebellious and disobedient; this does not exclude those who are too slow and reluctant to respond to their husbands:

"Allah will curse those procrastinating women who, when their husbands call them to their beds, say 'I will, I will.....' until he falls asleep." Reported by Tibraani

Marriage in Islam is intended to protect the chastity of men and women alike, therefore it is the woman's duty to respond to her husband's requests for conjugal relations. She should not give silly excuses and try to avoid it.

The prophet said, "if a man calls his wife to his bed, let her respond, even if she is riding her camel (ie. very busy)." Reported by Al-Bazzar

The prophet said, "if a man calls his wife, then let her come, even if she is busy at the oven". Reported by Tirmidhi

As narrated by Jaabir the prophet said "if anyone of you is attracted to a woman, let him go to his wife and have intercourse with her, for that will calm him down" as reported by Muslim.

Marital Privacy in Islam

To keep each other's secrets. The Prophet (peace be upon him) says: 'The people of the worst stature with Allah on the Day of Judgment are men who confide in their wives, and wives who confide in their husbands, and then they spread each other's secrets around.' Sahih Muslim Book 008, Number 3369

Narrated by Abdullah the prophet said, "there are three people whose prayers will not be accepted, neither their good works:

  1. A disobedient slave until he returns to his masters and puts his hand in theirs
  2. A woman whose husband is angry with her, until he is pleased with her again
  3. And the drunkard until he becomes sober" reported by Ibn Hibban

As reported by Aisha, "a woman came to ask the prophet about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, 'do you have a husband?' she said 'yes'. He asked her, ' how are you with him?' she said, 'I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.' He said, 'pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your paradise and your hell.'" As reported by Ahmed and Nisaa'ee

The prophet said, "if a woman prays her 5 daily prayers, fasts her month (Ramadan), obeys her husband and guards her chastity, then it will be said to her; 'enter paradise through whichever of its gates you wish'" reported by Ahmed and Tibraani

We also know that Allah does not reject supplication made by angels as they are His closest creation who are always praising and glorifying Him

As narrated by Abu Hurayrah that the prophet said, "if a man calls his wife to his bed and she does not come, and he goes to sleep angry with her, the angels will curse her until the morning." Agreed upon.

This narration should be enough to make any woman pay heed to the severe warning by the prophet that the angel's curses are upon those who do not respond to husbands' sexual needs because the purpose of a woman is to fulfill that and for that, they are made in order to produce offspring.

Beating

If the previous methods, including instruction and verbal abuse, fail to correct a wife's behavior, then a husband is given the right to beat his wife. Even though verse Q 4.34 does not specify the mode or limit of the beating, it is believed that the prophet of Islam put a condition on the beating, classifying it as 'not excessive.' As a result, when interpreting the phrase 'not excessive beating,' scholars offer the following guidelines:

  • Avoid hitting the wife's face
  • Do not break any of the wife's bones
  • Use nonfatal implements or physical force:
    • Such as the use of al-siwak (a twig of the Salvadora persica tree), or shoe laces, etc.
    • and the use of hand, etc. [hitting, slapping, punching the neck and chest, etc.]
  • The wife may receive a beating for every behavior that incites the anger of her husband or for every act that her husband does not like. Current Islamic literature supports the legitimacy of beating and its benefit for 'upbringing.'

For example, the Egyptian scholar Muhammad Mitwalli al-Sha'rawi (AD 1911-1998), who was considered among the top Muslim thinkers in the twentieth century, records his position:

Beating is not a sign of hatred. It could be a sign of love. As long as it is not excessive, it would only cause a small amount of pain. A person might resort to lightly beating the loved one due to desiring what is in the person's [best] interests and due to caring about the person. A woman, by her very nature, understands that, coming from her husband. She knows that his anger at her and his punishing her will soon pass away and with its passing, its causes will pass. Therefore, they remain in their relationship as if nothing happened.

Conclusion

Ironically, Islamic literature claims that Islam as a religion has improved the position of women and is the only religious doctrine that honors women. History shows that Islam did accomplish some limited advancement in the position of women during the seventh century in certain aspects such as limiting the number of wives to four in comparison to the practices during that era in the Arabian Peninsula. Conversely, many of the changes implemented by Islam were not positive. The Quran permits men to beat their wives, making domestic abuse a divinely permissible act rather than just individual behavior.

It is worthy to note that in various ancient societies and throughout human history, women have lived under the oppression of social injustice. However, our dilemma, when it comes to the position of women in Islam, stems from the fact that Islam is seen as the final religion and source of law by its followers. Hence, the position of women is fixed, and rulings, such as the beating of a wife, must remain in place as specified by the Quran. Though in modern society a woman may work and share in the financial burdens of life, she will still be deprived of equality because the Quran commands it so. Overall, the Quranic rules regarding the treatment of women can still be used today as tools of oppression in the hand of the Muslim man. Any effort she exerts other than that is of no value.

"WARNING TO WOMAN"

The warning was given to women whose husband is angry with their reaches, to such an extent that it would shake the conscience of every righteous wife who has faith in Allah and the last day.

She is told that her prayer and good deeds will not be accepted until her husband is pleased with her again.

Therefore a wife's duty as a good wife is to obey her Husband with love and affection and not to leave her husband and to choose for liberty and Freedom (like she was before Marriage) and pretend that marriage life is a prison.

 

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